What were you doing there? Why didn’t you use fabric softener and you knew this was a serious interview? How on earth didn’t you insist on a contract? Negative probing, the killer cross examination menace that shames, desolates and is almost never called out.
Negative probing which is also a form of victim blaming is one reason people blame a victim to distance themselves from an irksome occurrence and to affirm their own invulnerability to the evil at hand. “I am not like that person and that would never happen to me.” This is never a helpful reaction.
https://thelovetablet.com/2022/09/27/the-angry-words-who-let-the-dogs-out/ https://thelovetablet.com/2022/05/24/mind-minding-your-mind-you-are-what-you-think/
If you’ve been ruthlessly probed, then you know it’s not pretty for your self esteem. I was once thrashed and pounded for getting conned- a belittling act that made me feel guilty. God had some words for Job’s probing friends:
After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My wrath is kindled against you and against your two friends; for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. Now therefore take seven bulls and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you, for I will accept his prayer not to deal with you according to your folly; for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has done.” ( Job 42:7-8) Leviticus 19:16: You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord.
Why is Negative Probing Dangerous?
- The victim feels disparaged, unsafe or awkard talking to you.
- Negative probing makes the victim take blame for the happening.
Knowing how to ask the right questions is a valuable skill that can help cherish new information, forge relationships and help in boosting the knowledge for both parties. Insightful questions promote critical thinking and allow the person asked to explore their thoughts and feelings about a particular subject.
https://thelovetablet.com/2022/05/31/judge-not-judging-the-right-judgement/ https://thelovetablet.com/2022/06/28/5-ways-of-desisting-the-tongue-from-being-so-nasty-and-so-rude/ https://thelovetablet.com/2022/08/23/3-things-that-humility-is-not-4-that-humility-is/
Here are 3 Examples of Positive Probing Questions
- What would need to change for you to get this outcome? Instead of, Why did you do it without first thinking about it? The aim is to get others to think about the process and the sacrifices to achieve success.
- Do you feel that that is right? The person is able to examine their choices .
- What was your plan and desire? This is informative in monitoring intended plans and goals.
https://thelovetablet.com/2022/10/11/hannah-7-lessons-on-patience-and-persistence/ https://thelovetablet.com/2022/08/30/excellence-gold-will-always-usher-you-into-the-presence-of-the-great/ https://thelovetablet.com/2022/08/23/3-things-that-humility-is-not-4-that-humility-is/
1 Peter 3:16: Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. Exodus 20:16: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Exodus 23:1: “You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness. Isaiah 54:17 : No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.” Deuteronomy 19:18-19: The judges shall inquire diligently, and if the witness is a false witness and has accused his brother falsely, then you shall do to him as he had meant to do to his brother. So you shall purge the evil from your midst. Matthew 5:11: “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Exodus 14:14: The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” 1 Peter 2:1-12: So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.. Psalm 23: 1-6: A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ... Revelation 12:10: And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. Psalm 15:3: Who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend; Genesis 50:20: As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. James 1:1-27: James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion: Greetings. Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ... Leviticus 19:16: You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord.
Would You Like to accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Click here https://thelovetablet.com/2022/04/12/prayer-of-salvation/
Thanks so much!